SHOCK AND DENIAL
- The immediate reaction is usually disbelief. This is shock, and it may provide you with emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.
- The unpredictable nature (relapse) of Alopecia can make acceptance difficult and denial may come about at some level as a way to avoid the pain.
PAIN AND GUILT
- As the shock wears off, it may be replaced with emotional pain. Although this may be almost unbearable, it is important the pain is experienced at some level, and that is not hidden, avoided, or escaped from with alcohol or drugs.
- Some people may have guilty feelings or remorse over things they did or didn't do. Indeed, you might find yourself thinking that you may have caused your hair loss somehow. Life may be frightening or chaotic during this phase and although the condition can be irrational in cause and relapse, it is important that you try to remain rational and seek advice from professionals.
ANGER AND BARGAINING
- Frustration may give way to anger, and some people may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for loss on others. Behaving in this way may damage relations with others. There is also the possibility of anger being turned in on oneself in the grieving process.
- This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. Trying to aim the anger in a productive manner, such as with exercise can be helpful.
- You may rail against fate, questioning "why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (i.e.: "I will do anything, just fix my problems"). It is important to try to be rational during this period.
DEPRESSION, REFLECTION AND LONELINESS
- Just when others may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection may overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others may not be helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
- During this time, you may finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it can depress you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did in the past, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness and despair. This stage will not always pass after a short period of time, but it is possible.
- Psychological studies have found that anxiety and depressive disorders occur in higher rates in people with Alopecia when compared to people without the disorder. Nevertheless, grief and major depressive disorder are not the same. The symptoms are similar, but major depressive disorder is a clinical disorder that is usually much more intense. Therefore, grief can progress to depression. If you feel extremely depressed all day and every day for a fortnight or more and you cannot function, then it is strongly advised that you speak to your doctor about seeking assistance.
THE UPWARD TURN
- This stage can be difficult to get to, and may be easier to reach with outside help.
- As you start to adjust to life with Alopecia, day-to-day activities become a little calmer and more organized.
- Your physical and psychological symptoms of grief lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
RECONSTRUCTION AND WORKING THROUGH
- As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by Alopecia.
- You will start to work on practical and financial problems posed by Alopecia.
ACCEPTANCE AND HOPE
- During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation.
- Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the psychological pain and turmoil you have experienced, it takes time to find a way forward.
- You will start to look forward to and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your loss without pain or sadness, but for now, the wrenching initial pain will be gone.
- You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
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